i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
