he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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