At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
