I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
