how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
