I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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