I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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