Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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