I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
