I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
