Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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