Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
