i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
