im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
