just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
