His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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