Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
