2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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