I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
