im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
