Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
