His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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