Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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