Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
