I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
