I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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