Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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