i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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