mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
