Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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