I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Say something about gay babies.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
