In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
