I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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