I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Someone came in the potted fern
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
And then he peed in my hair
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