where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
