i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How does one acquire holy water?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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