it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
