I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
