he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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