does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
