big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
