I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
