Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
