I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
