Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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