Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
