You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
