i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
