Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Less talking, more tequila
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
