I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
