Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
