I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
why do cheetos always look like penises
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
