so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
